Coasting

What do you do when everything is going smoothly? You relax, but stay aware. You revel in your peacefulness while knowing it can change and even if it does, it really will be ok. Tomorrow, my husband visits for three days. It will be the first time we have seen him since August and we won't see him again until mid-November. While he has been away working, we carry on with our new normal. 

We wake up at some God-awful hour after I inevitably go to bed too late. The kids eat cereal while I make some coffee for myself and eggs for them. On perfect days, we start school in the morning.  Most days, we start after lunch. My daughter is in preschool and dance because she is having the hardest time missing out on the social aspect of being home. My son is happy to have mommy time when she is off at her activities.   

My idea of what I need in life has changed. An apartment is not ideal, but I have learned that a smaller place is easier to keep clean. Less stuff means not having to constantly pick up. My kids have been satisfied with legos, books and their iPads and don't miss the toys we didn't bring and don't pull out most of the toys we did bring. We keep the television off most of the time. 

Other OIT families have welcomed us with open arms. Even when someone says something is safe and I can trust that it is, no one bats an eye when I read the label anyway. My ways that were considered "helicopter mom" in Arizona are completely understood here. They know it isn't about being overprotective about mundane things, it's about being hyper-vigilant because the allergy has forced me to accept this role. We compare emergency medicine storage. We talk about reactions our kids have had. We talk about the hope we feel for our children's future after OIT and how grateful we are that Dr. Jones couldn't just ignore that this treatment exists. How, not only does he offer it, but he is constantly making it better and is totally available for all our sometimes neurotic calls and texts. I walked straight into a group we call our OIT family. We would all choose not to have to be here if we could, that our kids were never saddled with life-threatening food allergies, but since that is what we were dealt, we get through it together. 

One month has flown by. At best, we are back home in another five. Any way you look at it, our time here will have forever changed us as a family. We will leave Utah stronger and safer.

Coasting

What do you do when everything is going smoothly? You relax, but stay aware. You revel in your peacefulness while knowing it can change and even if it does, it really will be ok. Tomorrow, my husband visits for three days. It will be the first time we have seen him since August and we won't see him again until mid-November. While he has been away working, we carry on with our new normal. 

We wake up at some God-awful hour after I inevitably go to bed too late. The kids eat cereal while I make some coffee for myself and eggs for them. On perfect days, we start school in the morning.  Most days, we start after lunch. My daughter is in preschool and dance because she is having the hardest time missing out on the social aspect of being home. My son is happy to have mommy time when she is off at her activities.   

My idea of what I need in life has changed. An apartment is not ideal, but I have learned that a smaller place is easier to keep clean. Less stuff means not having to constantly pick up. My kids have been satisfied with legos, books and their iPads and don't miss the toys we didn't bring and don't pull out most of the toys we did bring. We keep the television off most of the time. 

Other OIT families have welcomed us with open arms. Even when someone says something is safe and I can trust that it is, no one bats an eye when I read the label anyway. My ways that were considered "helicopter mom" in Arizona are completely understood here. They know it isn't about being overprotective about mundane things, it's about being hyper-vigilant because the allergy has forced me to accept this role. We compare emergency medicine storage. We talk about reactions our kids have had. We talk about the hope we feel for our children's future after OIT and how grateful we are that Dr. Jones couldn't just ignore that this treatment exists. How, not only does he offer it, but he is constantly making it better and is totally available for all our sometimes neurotic calls and texts. I walked straight into a group we call our OIT family. We would all choose not to have to be here if we could, that our kids were never saddled with life-threatening food allergies, but since that is what we were dealt, we get through it together. 

One month has flown by. At best, we are back home in another five. Any way you look at it, our time here will have forever changed us as a family. We will leave Utah stronger and safer.

Mindf**k

Some days, this whole deal is one giant game, messing with my head. With the exception of our first real reaction, which ended up being a positive, and one trip to the grocery store, this week was pretty awesome. It was the kind of week I had expected, unlike the week prior where we were all sick. Last night, in fact, I did something rare. I went out. I trusted a babysitter with my kids (by "trusted" I mean that she was someone used by a friend of mine whose children also have food allergies and I spent the entire night texting the sitter, to the point where she began copy and pasting, "yep, they're doing great.") and went out for a friend's birthday. Until 2:30 am.  Truly, I am too old for that, evidenced by my all day recovery process. I took it easy, mostly just exhausted since we were up by 6:30, and the kids and I walked across the street to an outdoor mall where they played on the playground, then we went to lunch and did a little shopping. In total, we spent 4 hours walking around outside on a beautiful day. Today was perfect.

I really can't explain what happened next.  My thought process was to take a nice, relaxing bath and go to bed early. In reality, I sobbed in the tub to three songs on repeat.  (Home by Philip Phillips, All of Me by John Legend and A Life That's Good by the cast of Nashville, in case you are curious.) As much as I told myself I would not feel guilty about a night out, I think I did. Not for my kids' sake, but for my husband's. He has had his world tilted upside down with his family gone, and since our house sold, he's temporarily living with his mom. After moving more times than I can count, I can truthfully say it is easier to leave than to be the one left behind. I feel for him.

Tuesday will be three weeks since my husband left and went back to Arizona. In October, we will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary and in all that time, until three weeks ago, we had only spent three nights apart. This is a big change for us now and when I return home with the kids, there will be change again as we look for a new home. Add to that running two businesses, one of which is new and still trying to get off the group, while supporting a family he doesn't even see.

We all have a role to play in this OIT journey and his is tough, too, even if he isn't the one physically here and dealing with the day-to-day.  I cried tonight because I miss him. I cried because he wants to be here and can't.

Every tear, I would cry one hundred times over to get our son to a point where he can live without fear of coming into contact with a common food that could kill him. I am grateful and say a prayer of thanks every single night that we have this opportunity to make my son's life safer.

I'm even thankful for his first reaction.

You already know I'm crazy, so just hear me out on this... 15 minutes after his night dose, his third since we doubled it on Monday, he began clearing his throat and sighing deeply. A couple of little hives popped up on his face. I texted Dr. Jones and let him know and he immediately responded that if anything else happened, to call him right away. I gave my son cold apple juice which seemed to help his throat and within an hour, all symptoms were gone without any action from me. I let him go to sleep and advised the doctor all was well.  None of his doses after that yielded such excitement, but that is when it hit me: we are at roughly 1/200 of a peanut. My kid is SUPER allergic.  His body hated it, but overcame. Every day we are doing this, he is SAFER.

All things considered, I wouldn't change a thing. Some days are going to be awesome, like today and all the days this week, and some days are going to be so hard I want to quit. But I won't quit. There's a sweet six year old depending on me to make this happen for him. He wants a peanut party when he gets home and I'll be damned, he's earned it. We all have.



*Sorry for going back to language there in the title, but my f**k posts seem to do 200% better than the others. Go figure.  :)

Mindf**k

Some days, this whole deal is one giant game, messing with my head. With the exception of our first real reaction, which ended up being a positive, and one trip to the grocery store, this week was pretty awesome. It was the kind of week I had expected, unlike the week prior where we were all sick. Last night, in fact, I did something rare. I went out. I trusted a babysitter with my kids (by "trusted" I mean that she was someone used by a friend of mine whose children also have food allergies and I spent the entire night texting the sitter, to the point where she began copy and pasting, "yep, they're doing great.") and went out for a friend's birthday. Until 2:30 am.  Truly, I am too old for that, evidenced by my all day recovery process. I took it easy, mostly just exhausted since we were up by 6:30, and the kids and I walked across the street to an outdoor mall where they played on the playground, then we went to lunch and did a little shopping. In total, we spent 4 hours walking around outside on a beautiful day. Today was perfect.

I really can't explain what happened next.  My thought process was to take a nice, relaxing bath and go to bed early. In reality, I sobbed in the tub to three songs on repeat.  (Home by Philip Phillips, All of Me by John Legend and A Life That's Good by the cast of Nashville, in case you are curious.) As much as I told myself I would not feel guilty about a night out, I think I did. Not for my kids' sake, but for my husband's. He has had his world tilted upside down with his family gone, and since our house sold, he's temporarily living with his mom. After moving more times than I can count, I can truthfully say it is easier to leave than to be the one left behind. I feel for him.

Tuesday will be three weeks since my husband left and went back to Arizona. In October, we will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary and in all that time, until three weeks ago, we had only spent three nights apart. This is a big change for us now and when I return home with the kids, there will be change again as we look for a new home. Add to that running two businesses, one of which is new and still trying to get off the group, while supporting a family he doesn't even see.

We all have a role to play in this OIT journey and his is tough, too, even if he isn't the one physically here and dealing with the day-to-day.  I cried tonight because I miss him. I cried because he wants to be here and can't.

Every tear, I would cry one hundred times over to get our son to a point where he can live without fear of coming into contact with a common food that could kill him. I am grateful and say a prayer of thanks every single night that we have this opportunity to make my son's life safer.

I'm even thankful for his first reaction.

You already know I'm crazy, so just hear me out on this... 15 minutes after his night dose, his third since we doubled it on Monday, he began clearing his throat and sighing deeply. A couple of little hives popped up on his face. I texted Dr. Jones and let him know and he immediately responded that if anything else happened, to call him right away. I gave my son cold apple juice which seemed to help his throat and within an hour, all symptoms were gone without any action from me. I let him go to sleep and advised the doctor all was well.  None of his doses after that yielded such excitement, but that is when it hit me: we are at roughly 1/200 of a peanut. My kid is SUPER allergic.  His body hated it, but overcame. Every day we are doing this, he is SAFER.

All things considered, I wouldn't change a thing. Some days are going to be awesome, like today and all the days this week, and some days are going to be so hard I want to quit. But I won't quit. There's a sweet six year old depending on me to make this happen for him. He wants a peanut party when he gets home and I'll be damned, he's earned it. We all have.



*Sorry for going back to language there in the title, but my f**k posts seem to do 200% better than the others. Go figure.  :)

How Much is Too Much?

One side effect of OIT is too much electronics. Our doctor joked last week that this treatment took so long to come out because it was waiting on the technology of iPads to be invented.  A quick look around the treatment room reveals kids playing Minecraft and Angry Birds, fixated on tiny screens. 

Thirty minutes prior to their allergen dosing and for two hours after, it is considered rest time. Getting a 6-year-old to sit still for that amount of time is hard, but made much easier with the iPad, which is why I specifically bought him a 1st Gen resale device for $100.  The problem is, his entire focus in his waking hours is getting on that damn iPad or Wii or TV.  I have devised rules, like 20 minutes of educational games and then 20 minutes of Minecraft and then it gets shut off. Still, every two minutes he is requesting to watch TV or play his iPad.  

Can't even look up for a photo.

I'm tempted to remove all electronic devices from the house, but then, who am I kidding? I'm parenting alone right now and I need the quiet once in awhile.  I also need a surefire way to keep him calm after dosing.  For my own sanity, I cannot completely eliminate electronics, but I obviously need to set some parameters. 

What do you do to regulate your child's screen time?  Leave me a comment, I want to know.  

How Much is Too Much?

One side effect of OIT is too much electronics. Our doctor joked last week that this treatment took so long to come out because it was waiting on the technology of iPads to be invented.  A quick look around the treatment room reveals kids playing Minecraft and Angry Birds, fixated on tiny screens. 

Thirty minutes prior to their allergen dosing and for two hours after, it is considered rest time. Getting a 6-year-old to sit still for that amount of time is hard, but made much easier with the iPad, which is why I specifically bought him a 1st Gen resale device for $100.  The problem is, his entire focus in his waking hours is getting on that damn iPad or Wii or TV.  I have devised rules, like 20 minutes of educational games and then 20 minutes of Minecraft and then it gets shut off. Still, every two minutes he is requesting to watch TV or play his iPad.  

Can't even look up for a photo.

I'm tempted to remove all electronic devices from the house, but then, who am I kidding? I'm parenting alone right now and I need the quiet once in awhile.  I also need a surefire way to keep him calm after dosing.  For my own sanity, I cannot completely eliminate electronics, but I obviously need to set some parameters. 

What do you do to regulate your child's screen time?  Leave me a comment, I want to know.  

I Can Take A Hint, Utah

Utah hates us. I actually really like it here, so this makes me sad.  First, we found out the reason my son gets a blotchy red face, itchy eyes and a runny nose when we visit our friends here is because they happen to primarily grow the ONLY DANG GRASS TO WHICH HE IS ALLERGIC. That's right. So day 1 we had to start him on medicine for seasonal allergies. Everyone assures me he will be fine one the grass dies....you know, when it's too cold to keep things alive.  TOO COLD TO KEEP THINGS ALIVE. *deep breath*

So now, a week after my husband left us to go back to work, we are all sick. Since my 3 year old licks the rail going up to our second floor apartment, getting sick normally wouldn't be a shock, but this very activity is one of many that probably contributes to her ironclad immune system. We call her "the tank."  Apparently her luck ran out and when she got a whopper of a snotty nose, my son soon followed.  She is, of course, already feeling better and bouncing around. I, on the other hand, get sick once every other year (outside my migraines) and have been 34 different temperatures today and embarrassed myself by laying my face on the cool granite counter at the doctor's office because it felt soooooo good.

I had some serious mixed feelings about our doctor today as I wanted to hate him for making me get out of my pajamas and drive to his office, plus go to Target and fill a prescription while every part of my body ached (I even picked up a fever reducer for myself, which tells you how dire shape I am in at the moment).  The other part, the part that won, was thankful that he didn't want to take any chances of me dosing my son with his poison (peanut) without knowing how badly he was sick. Fortunately, it's just a cold and we should be fine with some extra precaution.

This is not the first time I have had to contact the doctor outside our regularly scheduled appointments. Sunday morning (I felt horrible interrupting his Sunday) I texted to let him know my son had experienced an upset stomach and sore throat for two morning doses. Within 5 minutes there were followup questions and a slight adjustment in timing, and we were back in the game. This is precisely why we chose this doctor.  He's available to his patients, he's reliable and he's knowledgeable.

I have been vague with names on this blog, mostly to protect my children, even though most of you reading this know us personally, but also about our doctor's identity. I wasn't so sure he wanted to be associated publicly with me, since I tend to use some colorful language.  I must say, I've done a pretty damn good job lately, though, of keeping it clean. Our allergist in Utah is Dr. Douglas Jones with Rocky Mountain Allergy and Asthma. Even though moving 650 miles from my husband, parents and friends isn't the easiest thing in the world, I would have chosen to move to be under the care of this doctor even if someone in Arizona magically began doing OIT because I have faith in this guy. He is offering this program so that my son and I, and all the allergy families, can have a life - not be held hostage by a food allergy. He is not in it for the accolades or praise, though I hope he takes a great deal of pride in what he does for all of us.

We have more prescriptions on hand right now than we have filled in all of my son's six years combined, but I have trust in Dr. Jones who has gotten so many patients through this process. Honestly, I would rather medicate a little than stress daily about an accidental peanut exposure.  It's my son's life at stake and my job is to keep him safe. Every day we dose him without reaction, he is that much safer than the day before.

Our first day of actual treatment was last Thursday. On that first day, they pushed my son's little body by dosing every 15 minutes. By the end of the day, he made it to his goal! So that is the dose he is on twice a day until his next appointment, a week later. (This will actually get pushed back a few days until his cold is gone). He is a brave boy, who took it like a champ! Our biggest obstacle now is that they mix the dose in Kool-Aid which is HFCS and food dye, two things he never consumes, and therefore, he is a bit crazed.  Also, getting used to our new normal has taken time - dose 9 to 15 hours apart, low activity 30 minutes prior and two hours after, no sleeping for one hour after dosing.  It's easy when we are home, but when we go out with friends for dinner (thank goodness for other families here in Utah in the same boat! We have dosing buddies!) I have to really plan out carefully.  I'm sure in a few weeks it will all be natural and I won't have to remind him to calm down after his dose so many times.

Despite Utah seeming to have it in for us (why do I get the feeling it will be a particularly snowy winter now?), we have enjoyed our time here and are looking forward to Fall quite a bit.  We can't wait to explore the area more once we are feeling better.  The mountains all around us are glorious and the rain our first week was welcome after how hot and dry we were in Arizona. The Target stores and Starbucks are hit or miss, but really...you can't have everything.

I Can Take A Hint, Utah

Utah hates us. I actually really like it here, so this makes me sad.  First, we found out the reason my son gets a blotchy red face, itchy eyes and a runny nose when we visit our friends here is because they happen to primarily grow the ONLY DANG GRASS TO WHICH HE IS ALLERGIC. That's right. So day 1 we had to start him on medicine for seasonal allergies. Everyone assures me he will be fine one the grass dies....you know, when it's too cold to keep things alive.  TOO COLD TO KEEP THINGS ALIVE. *deep breath*

So now, a week after my husband left us to go back to work, we are all sick. Since my 3 year old licks the rail going up to our second floor apartment, getting sick normally wouldn't be a shock, but this very activity is one of many that probably contributes to her ironclad immune system. We call her "the tank."  Apparently her luck ran out and when she got a whopper of a snotty nose, my son soon followed.  She is, of course, already feeling better and bouncing around. I, on the other hand, get sick once every other year (outside my migraines) and have been 34 different temperatures today and embarrassed myself by laying my face on the cool granite counter at the doctor's office because it felt soooooo good.

I had some serious mixed feelings about our doctor today as I wanted to hate him for making me get out of my pajamas and drive to his office, plus go to Target and fill a prescription while every part of my body ached (I even picked up a fever reducer for myself, which tells you how dire shape I am in at the moment).  The other part, the part that won, was thankful that he didn't want to take any chances of me dosing my son with his poison (peanut) without knowing how badly he was sick. Fortunately, it's just a cold and we should be fine with some extra precaution.

This is not the first time I have had to contact the doctor outside our regularly scheduled appointments. Sunday morning (I felt horrible interrupting his Sunday) I texted to let him know my son had experienced an upset stomach and sore throat for two morning doses. Within 5 minutes there were followup questions and a slight adjustment in timing, and we were back in the game. This is precisely why we chose this doctor.  He's available to his patients, he's reliable and he's knowledgeable.

I have been vague with names on this blog, mostly to protect my children, even though most of you reading this know us personally, but also about our doctor's identity. I wasn't so sure he wanted to be associated publicly with me, since I tend to use some colorful language.  I must say, I've done a pretty damn good job lately, though, of keeping it clean. Our allergist in Utah is Dr. Douglas Jones with Rocky Mountain Allergy and Asthma. Even though moving 650 miles from my husband, parents and friends isn't the easiest thing in the world, I would have chosen to move to be under the care of this doctor even if someone in Arizona magically began doing OIT because I have faith in this guy. He is offering this program so that my son and I, and all the allergy families, can have a life - not be held hostage by a food allergy. He is not in it for the accolades or praise, though I hope he takes a great deal of pride in what he does for all of us.

We have more prescriptions on hand right now than we have filled in all of my son's six years combined, but I have trust in Dr. Jones who has gotten so many patients through this process. Honestly, I would rather medicate a little than stress daily about an accidental peanut exposure.  It's my son's life at stake and my job is to keep him safe. Every day we dose him without reaction, he is that much safer than the day before.

Our first day of actual treatment was last Thursday. On that first day, they pushed my son's little body by dosing every 15 minutes. By the end of the day, he made it to his goal! So that is the dose he is on twice a day until his next appointment, a week later. (This will actually get pushed back a few days until his cold is gone). He is a brave boy, who took it like a champ! Our biggest obstacle now is that they mix the dose in Kool-Aid which is HFCS and food dye, two things he never consumes, and therefore, he is a bit crazed.  Also, getting used to our new normal has taken time - dose 9 to 15 hours apart, low activity 30 minutes prior and two hours after, no sleeping for one hour after dosing.  It's easy when we are home, but when we go out with friends for dinner (thank goodness for other families here in Utah in the same boat! We have dosing buddies!) I have to really plan out carefully.  I'm sure in a few weeks it will all be natural and I won't have to remind him to calm down after his dose so many times.

Despite Utah seeming to have it in for us (why do I get the feeling it will be a particularly snowy winter now?), we have enjoyed our time here and are looking forward to Fall quite a bit.  We can't wait to explore the area more once we are feeling better.  The mountains all around us are glorious and the rain our first week was welcome after how hot and dry we were in Arizona. The Target stores and Starbucks are hit or miss, but really...you can't have everything.